i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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