Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I supernannyed him into submission
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
