Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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