Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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