I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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