Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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