you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
