Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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