Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
