I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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