I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
