just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
false alarm, still single
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
