420 ftw
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
