my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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