i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
