So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
