I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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