You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
