He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
