I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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