Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
