Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
