peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
