two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
