She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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