So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
