i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
