This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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