so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
