just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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