I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
