She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
