If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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