The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
