My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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