i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
