It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
