the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
