Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
