Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
