There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
