her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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