I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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