I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
