Can i not drive my cunt home
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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