im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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