I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
