Already got asked if we're dating
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
