never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
