His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
