false alarm. still invincible.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
