....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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